Things I wish I knew sooner about relationships PT:1
As a child, I grew up as a Disney kid. All my life I thought of myself as a princess who needed to be saved. In Today’s society, that is truly a fairy tale. Now that I’m older, I know that relationships can be beautiful, fun, supportive, exquisite, and intimate. They also can be consuming, challenging, toxic, overwhelming, and just HARD. Growing up, you Don’t get a crash course in partnership. You learn by what you see. This can stem from, your parents, TV shows, movies, and other not-so-great influences. So here are 15 things I wish I had known sooner about relationships. So you don’t have to.
1. Your greatest teacher in this crash course is *insert drumroll *your relationships
We often go into relationships thinking solely about how they make us feel, whether we’re having fun or feel comfortable etc. I’m here to tell you that our most beneficial relationships are the ones that reveal what we truly need. The ones that uncover hidden truths and traumas. This right here prompts us to make positive changes in our lives.
2. Just because it’s comfortable it doesn’t mean it’s right
The right partner will challenge you, and make you question your life. You might feel uncomfortable but in a respectful way. Let’s make it, make sense now. This discomfort cultivates space for you to grow. It allows you to mature. It allows you to strengthen your values. When you finally see what you’ve been lacking you gain unconscious clarity about who you're becoming.
3. Toxic Relationships
We are in an era of toxic relationships. I can talk to you for hours and hours about this sweet & sour love affair. This comes from rap culture influencing you to do certain things. For instance, Brent Fyaisi, his most recent song is titled “Fell in Love’’. & it’s not even about the traditional love feelings you get. It’s filled with negativity. One of my friends stated that she had to brace herself before listening to his songs.
*let us pray !*
We are taught that stability is boring. You need excitement and that’s what that good toxic love brings. Listen to me, sis! I’ve been through it and it’s not fun or exciting. You will be suspicious of being loved. Waiting for him to drop the ball. Waiting for secrets to be revealed. You will be left so down. You won’t recognize yourself in a relationship where you are entirely seen, entirely safe, loved, and accepted. If you’re not getting those 3 items in the relationship, baby girl run now. Get Out before you lose control.
4. Being in a relationship will force you to confront and quiet your ego
When you put your flaws on center display, and highlight unaddressed trauma basically, a genuine partner will prompt you to take a HARD look at yourself. You can go on as you always have, protect your ego, and make no significant changes. On the other hand, you can be vulnerable, allow yourself to be laid bare before someone else, and embrace the discomfort and freedom of becoming better alongside someone who loves you (and you'll never be "ready" for that)
5. Good communication is a learned skill and begins with radical honesty
vocally expressing your needs, wants, and feelings clearly, and without guilt, can be uncomfortable at first. receiving the same from your partner can be uncomfortable too. it's all too easy to step around what we mean, compromise, or only get to the surface level of things. learning to be utterly honest with yourself and with your partner (kindly) is where good communication starts.
6. Unmet needs aren't something to be swept under the rug
if your needs are consistently going unmet, despite clearly communicating what they are and how your partner can meet them, you need to re-evaluate (which is a gentle way of saying go your way, even if it's really hard). Staying in a relationship like this ultimately ends in bitterness, resentment, and regret. I can damage your self-esteem. This makes it difficult for you to set boundaries. Quite truthfully your boundaries matter. If your partner can’t respect you enough to make the effort. Then staying with them isn’t the answer. It’s best to separate before you lose a good portion of your youth.
7. Omg we have so much fun together
Don’t pick your partner based on how much fun you have together. Yes, having fun is very important but there’s more to life than just fun. When God created this thing called marriage he put a lot of ingredients into the pot. Let’s name a few: emotional intimacy, respect, common goals, commitment, shared values. With this recipe, your marriage can last up to 5, 10, or 15 years. Just having fun will ignite a flame but the spark will burn fast.
8. Love is something you choose, not something that happens to you
You don’t fall in love, you grow to love. Ugh, those feelings again. We love the honeymoon and puppy love phases. But! The tough pill to swallow is that your relationship isn’t not going to be peaches and cream. Your man is going to piss you off. Not listen to you. Misunderstanding will happen. Fail to give you those flowers. The list can go on, but when you commit based on their character, their heart, and intentions towards you. It will help sugarcoat those rough times. In reality, love is not easy, straight forward, but it’s worthwhile.
